Experiment S02
by Woven Secret
Summary: Illness takes Shinn after he destroys the Orb ships and Lunamaria, the only one who knows the cause of his sickness, panics when she discovers his medicine has run out. Lunamaria takes it upon...full summary and pairings inside.
1. Chapter 1

Well, this is my first fanfic, so be nice!

This takes place immediately after episode 28, but I changed the ending of the episode a tad to make the story work. I'll warn you though, there is a sentence in the story that might confuse you, so just bear with me because that one is one of the changes I have made. And Stella was already taken back to Neo.

Also, this story is going to stray from the anime. Everything from the anime is the same up until this episode. Everything after will be different.

Enjoy!

**Summary:** Illness takes Shinn after he destroys the Orb ships and Lunamaria, the only one who knows the cause of his sickness, panics when she discovers his medicine has run out. Lunamaria takes it upon herself to come in contact with the Archangel to find a cure for him. Unfortunately, because of her meddling, she must explain his illness and why he has such animosity towords Cagalli's family. It's not just because of his loved one's deaths. It's something much bigger, and unbeknownst to the Archangel and the Minerva, a force is working to use Shinn's secret for his own benefit.

**Pairing are:  
**ShinnxLuna,  
CagallixAthrun,  
KiraxLacus

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED Destiny**

* * *

He overpowered the anger for so long. He thought that he could control it. He thought _he_was the one in control, not the monster inside of him. What even happened? The last clear thought he had was of his anger towards the Archangel and the Freedom. After that, he was consumed by his burning rage. He killed so many people. If it wasn't for Lunamaria jumping in at the last second, he would've killed the man who helped him at Orb too. Todoka his name was.

He had almost killed Lunamaria's father.

He wondered what would have happened if he had killed Todoka. Lunamaria wouldn't talk to him--she would hate him. Meyrin, too. He would lose two more important people from his life. He became so close to destroying the lives of his friends. The demon shaking the cages within his soul had become close to breaking out of it's prison.

He never wanted that to happen again. Sure, he had gone into SEED mode before, but never like that. What would stop him from killing an entire fleet himself? What would stop him from killing someone he cared for? The anger was so blinding he could easily mistake the comrade for the enemy. What would stop him?

Nothing.

He needed to stay away from his mobile suit, his guns, his life. His desire to take part in fighting off the enemy could wait if it would save lives.

What was he becoming?

**********

Lunamaria strode down the hall, finding that solitude was disturbing her. She was worrying about Shinn. He lost control. He never lost control...at least, not that extremely. She was concerned for her friend. He was probably beating himself up, realizing that only a few seconds would've determined the fate of her father.

Knocking on Shinn's door, Luna tapped her foot, waiting for a response. Her brow furrowed when there was no answer. She thought Shinn was in there.

"Shinn," she called through the door, knocking a little louder. She pursed her lips when she heard movements on the other side and they weren't to come answer the door. She knew Shinn was in there now. The person locking himself in the room was not Rey. She was sure. Two minutes ago he was in the lounge, reading a magazine.

Knowing that she wasn't getting anywhere knocking, she stomped off to the lounge. If Shinn wasn't going to open the door for her then maybe his room mate would. He knew the code.

Lunamaria smiled when she peered in the lounge and found Rey in the same spot as before, but frowned when Athrun had appeared there as well. She didn't want everyone to know that Shinn was troubled at the day's events. Finding no other option, she just hoped that Athrun wouldn't make a big deal over it or wouldn't tell people. Shinn didn't need rumors floating around about him being unstable, or whatnot. Athrun wouldn't do that. He can keep secrets. He kept a huge secret, hiding his own identity while he guarded the princess of Orb.

"Rey," she greeted with a charming smile, locking her arms together behind her back. "Can you do something for me?"

Rey just sighed, putting his magazine down and looking at her with an expression of annoyance. She could see through the corner of her eyes that Athrun's face held an amused smirk. Both of them could tell she wanted something.

"What is it, Luna?"

Turning her face into something more serious she told him, "Shinn has locked himself in your room, and he's not opening the door for me. I'm worried. Can you open it up so I can get in?"

Nodding his head in understanding, he stood up and told her to follow him, but Luna stopped at the questioning glance from Athrun.

"Wanna come, Athrun? I'm sure that you're worried about Shinn, too. Rey and I are." He simply nodded and followed us down the hallway. Rey quickly typed in the code in the keypad on the door and it slid open with a _shwoom! _The room was engulfed in darkness, no light being able to come in when the door shut. By the time that Rey had actually turned the light on, Shinn was on his feet, body stiff.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, his voice harsh.

"This is my room, Shinn," Rey responded coolly, "We're also concerned."

"Get out," Shinn commanded, his eyes hard. His jaw tensed at Luna's next remark.

"Shinn," she whispered, "you don't have to go through this alone. We're here. It wasn't your fault."

Luna didn't notice, but Rey and Athrun slightly twitched at the last statement. They didn't see how it _wasn't _his fault. He destroyed ship after ship, gundam after gundam. What else could be attributed to his deeds beside his own mind? They didn't mean to seem cruel, but what could be the excuse?

"How can you say it wasn't my fault?! I almost killed your father, Luna!"

Luna gave him a sympathetic look, then widened her eyes noticing his ragged breaths, clenched fists, tiny beads of sweat rolling down the sides of his face, and slightly shivering body. She put a hand to his forehead, feeling the scorching skin beneath her own. Oh, no...

Shinn immediately recognized her frightened face and pried her hand away from his brow. Still clasping her hand, he whispered, "There aren't any vials left."

Her breath hitched in her throat and she stared at him, not wanting to believe him. "That can't be!"

Freeing her hand, she ran out of the room in a state of panic, pushing anyone who got in her way into the wall. She couldnt' believe that there weren't any vaccines left! There had to be one more, at least!

She flew into the lounge, throwing the cushions from the couch to the floor and opening the compartment underneath.

Empty.

She then sprinted down to one of the closets in the hall and scavenged through the old buckets in the corner.

Empty.

Anxiety coursed through her body as she ran to her next and last destination. She only prayed that no one was in the captain's chair.

God must hate her.

The captain herself sat upon her throne. Arthur chatted away with her and Luna's sister. They were the only three in the bridge, but those three were the ones she wanted to keep Shinn's condition a secret from. Unfortunately, she had to carry on with them present. Now, her only prayer was that the captain would get off of the chair. Please!

"Captain!"

Captain Gladys turned towards the noise and saw Lunamaria Hawke, frantic and out of breath, standing next to her sister's computer module.

"Yes, Miss Hawke?"

"I know this is going to sound like a weird request, but can you please get out of the chair?"

Three pairs of eyebrows raised at the question, but the captain remained seated.

"What for?" she asked warily. She couldn't even imagine the reason why her pilot was asking this of her.

"Please! Just do it!" Luna cried desperately, taking a few more steps towards the captain. Hearing the woman's urgent tone, the captain reluctantly stood back and watched as Luna lunged for the metal seating, ripping the top off and revealing a vile with a few drops of some kind of yellow substance.

"Yes! Thank the Lord!" she cheered as she stood from her kneeling position to sprint back out of the door. Each of the three people in the room gave the other a nod to follow the pink-haired woman. The three found themselves at Shinn and Rey's room.

Luna mearly pushed everyone out of the way to find a collapsed Shinn leaning against his bed. Sharing her feelings of panic with everyone she cried out an anguished "no", before plunging the few drops of the vaccine into his arm.

Silence consumed. All anyone could do was stare at the two on the floor in shock and confusion. Finally, the captain, regained her bearings asked, "What's going on, Luna?"

* * *

Well, that was the first chapter. I hope that you liked it!

Reviewing would be appreciated! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Here is chapter two! Thank you to the people who reviewed! You guys are awesome!

And if anyone can think of a better summary than the one I have then feel free to tell me because I'm horrible at thinking of interesting summaries that will catch the attention of others. The one I have is the best I could do and it does't get interesting until the part you can't see when it's just the stories listed. Ugh! So, please, if you have a good summary than tell me. I would be in your debt!

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED Destiny**

* * *

"Luna," the captain called out once more, "What's going on?"

Lunamaria simply brushed off the question, rushing out the room and jumping into the bridge. She was about to click through some communication settings when the captain ordered her to halt. Lunamaria did just that and waited to be reprimanded for her actions.

"We demand that you tell us what is going on!"

Taking in a deep breath, Luna replied in a shaky voice, "Shinn needs to inject himself with a vile because of a condition he has and he's run out. What you just saw is what happens when he doesn't take it. I need to get more."

Each face held shock. Shinn has a condition? What kind of condition? Why haven't they noticed before?

"How do you expect to get the medicine? We're in the air, Lunamaria." Athrun mused.

"I'm sorry," Luna told them, facing the communication links once more and pressing one of them. Biting her lip, she waited for an answer from wherever she called. Finally, a face popped up in front of the captain's chair and Luna hurriedly went to meet the screen, sitting down on the metal seating she had just recently torn off.

Every person in the room was flabbergasted at the face that appeared on the screen. It was the captain of the Archangel. The Archangel captain seemed surprised as well.

"This is Lunamaria Hawke, gundam pilot of the Minerva. I wish to speak with Todoka."

"Why--"

"Lunamaria?" a voice from the screen said, behind Captain Murrue. "Captain, please let me talk to her. She's my daughter."

Eyebrows shooting up, the captain slowly nodded, not knowing what to think of this. The screen switched to a man with gray hair.

"What's the matter, Luna?" he asked, concern laced within his words. He knew she wouldn't contact him unless it was something serious.

"It's Shinn," she started, her eyes saddening, "There aren't anymore vials."

"What?" he cried, his mouth agape. "He had enough to last him another month!"

"I know. He's unconscious, Dad. He needs more. You have some, right?"

"Of course. I have enough to last one month...of his normal doses, at least."

"That's great!" she smiled, then turning to Captain Gladys, she asked, "Can we land somewhere so I can get it?"

Todoka was also asking his own commanding officer for permission. Captain Murrue was a bit reluctant at first, but eventually decided to let him, seeing as the former captain seemed to care for this boy. He also wanted to make his daughter happy.

The captain of the Minerva was wary of getting close to the enemy, but after a few arguments, she decided that an island in the eastern sea was just the place to go. Sighing, the captain sat in her designated seat and talked the plans over with Captain Murrue, deciding that they would have a temporary truce. Captain Murrue wanted to send some of her soldiers with Todoka for safety purposes. Talia nodded in understanding, knowing that she would do the same.

It was time to meet with the enemy.

**********

Murrue turned the screen off, feeling that she was still confused with the situation, but she quickly regained her calm demeanor and called Kira and Cagalli to the bridge. She knew that Kira could handle himself if she sent him to the ship, but she wanted Cagalli to make sure they wouldn't try anything. It would look bad if ZAFT captured the Princess, but, she thought, it'll also look bad for them to conspire with the enemy.

"You called for us?" a familiar male voice asked. She turned to see Kira and Cagalli with their uniforms wound around them. She answered with a curt , "Yes", then explained the situation.

"Do you know which pilot is sick?" Cagalli asked, fully immersed in the story. She completely agreed with Todoka wanting to help the boy. It wasn't right for him to suffer from something not even related to this war. He had a disease and they were his only hope. They couldn't ignore his cries for help just because he was from ZAFT.

"His name is Shinn."

What?

Her willingness to jump on the ship to help the pilot plummeted. The man hated her! She didn't imagine that he would appreciate her coming to his aid.

"Are you sure that I should go?" she asked Murrue meekly.

The Murrue looked at her quizzically before telling them her reasons for choosing the two of them. Cagalli inwardly groaned, knowing that she had to go.

Seeing his sister's troubled face, Kira smiled, saying, "Hey," she looked up towards him, "we might be able to convince Athrun to come join us, right?"

Perking up at the idea, she gave her brother a slight smile responding with, "Hopefully."

Cagalli still loved Athrun, and when she found out that he was staying with ZAFT she was devastated. At first, she couldn't bare not having her Alex Dino standing beside her, protecting her. Now, her heart only ached when his name was mentioned. She cared for him still.

"You know," Murrue started, getting the attention of the two pilots, "I'm coming too. I hope you realize."

Kira nodded, understanding her reasoning. She couldn't have a truce with Talia Gladys and not attend to the meeting. It wouldn't count for anything.

Captain Murrue didn't have anything else to tell them besides that they should be ready when they land, so she dismissed them, but Kira stayed behind, finding that the ground was an interesting spot to look.

"What is it, Kira?" she questioned.

He cleared his throat nervously, his face flaring up. "Well," he played with the loose string on the bottom of his coat before taking a breath in and regaining his seriousness, "I want Lacus to come. I realize that it could be dangerous, but. . ." he stopped, the nervousness rising in him again.

Murrue smiled at Kira, holding back her laughter.

"You want to protect her yourself. I understand." she giggled, finding his embarrassment amusing.

He gave her an appreciative smile before dismissing himself to go find Lacus.

That boy...

**********

It was finally time. They landed at their destination. The Minerva inhabitants waited as the door to the Archangel opened and out came five people, waltzing over to the Minerva opening where Talia Gladys waited. Leading them into the lounge they found a young soldier, sprawled on the couch with a group of people mingling around the room.

Seeing her father, Luna rushed up to Todoka, embracing him and sharing a silent greeting between the two. Luna smiled then grabbed the case of vials. She carefully took them over to Shinn. She expertly injected Shinn with the substance, watching as his tightly clenched fists slowly unfastened themselves.

Athrun and Cagalli couldn't help but sneak quick glances at the other as they watched the medicine take effect. Neither knew what to say to each other, they only found that they felt uncomfortable being in the same room as the other. Cagalli felt even more uncomfortable seeing the young man who held such distaste towards her. She felt almost guilty being in the same room as him. Her guilt overpowered and she took a few steps away from the ill boy and was about to make her way out of the door when a voice stopped her.

"He has nothing against you personally, Princess."

It was the voice of the pink-haired pilot. Her name was Lunamaria.

"What do you mean?" Cagalli asked.

"His condition came about because of something that happened in Orb. The two people responsible aren't alive anymore so he needs someone to point a finger at. He chose your father, and since your the closest thing to him, he's angry with you."

Lunamaria noticed Cagalli's confused expression so she continued. "I just wanted you to know. It's not right for him to blame this on you, but I want you to realize that Shinn is a good person. Everyone needs to blame their misfortunes on someone else. I only feel bad that he chose you. I'm sorry."

Luna bowed to the politician, feeling everyone's eyes on her own.

"Will he be alright?" Kira asked, breaking the awkward silence following Luna's apology.

Todoka answered this time. "He'll be fine, but he probably won't wake up for a few more hours. Once he falls unconscious then the vile takes longer to take effect."

"What does he even have?" Athrun questioned, looking down at his fellow pilot. He didn't understand how Shinn could have such a serious disease and still be able to fight. But he guessed that the vials took care of what was happening...whatever that was.

Todoka and Luna's bodies stiffened at the question, glancing at the other.

"They should know, Luna." he told his daughter then noticed her feared expression. "It'll be fine."

She agreed reluctantly then faced the crowd.

"It's not a disease."

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Please review! I'll be the happiest person ever if you do!


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the reviews, everyone! :)

Enjoy this chapter!

I'm warning you though, there is a lot to take in this chapter. Be prepared!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED Destiny**

* * *

"What do you mean? How is it not a disease?" Arthur questioned, his English accent ringing in Luna's ears.

Sighing, Lunamaria sat, leaning on the couch, her back to Shinn's torso. "I should start by saying that when Shinn destroyed Orb's fleet he really couldn't help it. He's a Coordinator, but his SEED mode works a little differently than everyone else's."

This peaked the interest of Kira, Athrun, and Lacus. They each knew what it was like to enter SEED mode. They all knew what it was like to be a Coordinator, to be different. Kira thought that when he fought the Impulse that he seemed to be better than before. He must have been in SEED mode.

"Intense anger triggers it and all other emotions are cast aside when it happens. The only emotions he feels are hatred and rage. I think that he couldn't control it this time and his mind went berserk. I was lucky he stopped when I came. I could've just as easily been killed."

Luna cast her eyes downwards. When she threw herself in front of Shinn as his scythe was about to crash down, she didn't even think that Shinn could kill her, but she was naive to believe so. Shinn wasn't in his right mind. All he cared about was drenching the water in the blood of Orb soldiers. Realization didn't really strike her until later, but she was two seconds away from being killed by her friend. Her own friend. She knew he couldn't help it. It was frightening, though.

"Why is it like that?" Lacus asked, her voice laced with despair and disbelief. Lacus could never even imagine being that way when she entered SEED mode. The most she has ever experienced was that she was more serious. That's all. To believe that SEED mode could effect someone in that way.

Noticing Lacus' demeanor fall to one of distress, Kira quickly scurried over to his princess and encircled her body in his arms. Lacus sighed in contentment, but when she glanced over at the boy in front of her, her eyes glazed over in sadness.

"To answer that question, I have to explain a lot...." she paused, making sure that the people were prepared for her story. Seeing no objections, she started the story of the misfortuned boy.

"When Shinn's family was killed, instead of being taken away from the battlefield to safety, he was taken to a laboratory on the other side of Orb. Shinn was experimented on by two doctors. The experiments were to create the perfect soldier past the stages of SEED mode. The doctors took genes away from other soldiers and injected them into Shinn. As the experimenting went on, the doctors found that the genes weren't dominant unless stimulated. The genes were stimulated from a high frequency sound wave reacting with one of the chemicals in the brain that causes a person to shift into SEED mode. This reaction is extremely painful, especially if the subject tries to resist. The stimulation practically injects the genes with steroids so they can beat down Shinn's normal genes. Shinn resisted every time, and every time the doctors increased the frequency it proportionally increased the pain as well."

She noticed the looks of digust on some of the people present and stopped. She wasn't sure if they wanted her to continue. This was a lot to take in. No one could compare to what Shinn went through. Luna sometimes pretended that she understood. She wanted to feel like she could somehow help Shinn through this ordeal. His body is always in constant pain and she could never understand that. She could never understand that if she missed taking a vaccine that she could end up in a comatose state. If she couldn't grasp the entire situation, then how could she expect that this group of people could be able to?

"Is..." Cagalli whispered then cleared her throat. "Is that why Shinn blames my father?"

"Yes. Your father agreed to let the testing take place, but not the testing that was given to Shinn. I've tried to tell Shinn, but he's very close-minded about it. Your father thought that the two scientists were experimenting to make SEED mode...less aggresive, especially for the first time soldiers transition into it. The scientists lied and were experimenting for the perfect soldier instead, giving your father fake research when he came to check up on things."

"I-I can't believe that _anyone_ could do that." Cagalli stated, collapsing into the chair behind her, and before Athrun even thought about what he was doing, he rushed over to the princess to make sure she was alright. They ended up staring at each other's eyes, remembering what they once had, but realizing what was happening, Athrun and Cagalli quickly tore their eyes away and gazed at opposite ends of the room.

"Do you want me to continue?" Luna asked, wary of the consequences of the story. She took in a deep breath when a few nods came in her direction.

"After years of trials, the doctors finally made Shinn into the perfect soldier. They created a remote to bring on the transformation from SEED mode to PINE mode (personality integrated neural emotions). Different numbers represent different frequency intensities. Shinn had gone to the last one. Once the doctors were forced to resort to their last dial I, being a secretary for the doctors and deciding that I needed to stay late to finish paperwork, heard Shinn's screams. I can never forget those screams. . ."

Lunamaria stopped, finding it hard to relive that memory. She remembered running down the hall and opening up the lab to find a boy, the same age as her, 16, lying on the floor, curled up in pain, writhing around, screaming his lungs out. The doctors stood over him with a remote and one smirked at the boy's pain. She was disgusted at the sight and jumped towards the doctors, snatching the remote away. She can never erase the sight of Shinn as he struggled to get up, facing the doctor. He ground his teeth together, groaning as he got up. What surprised her at the time was his eyes. He was in SEED mode and his eyes were filled with agony, rage, hatred, pain. His eyes momentarily softened when he realized that Lunamaria was helping him get up, but were immediately intensified when he cast his gaze towards the doctors.

She took a few moments to calm herself. She needed to continue on, whether it hurt to relive these memories or not. She continued on, "I took the remote away from the doctor when I found them in the lab and turned it off. Shinn's screaming stopped, but he was still in SEED mode, so, let's just say he was...angry. Following the insticts of the killer that were brought to the surface, Shinn timed the self-destruct mechanism to allow us to escape, leaving the doctors behind, but not before making sure they couldn't follow us. He has a beastly right hook, if you get what I mean.

"I took Shinn home with me so he could rest up. Meyrin had left for military school, so it was just me and my father, Todoka. A month went by and everything was fine, but then Shinn fell ill. It's the same as what's happening now, but much worse. We took him from doctor to doctor, but no one knew what was wrong. On the brink of losing hope, we met a scientist who was familiar with the PINE mode project. She deduced that Shinn's genes and the perfect soldier genes were fighting for dominance. She created a vaccine which would sedate the perfect soldier genes. Her theory was that after Shinn's greatest shock, the frequency was so intense that the genes took on a permanent injection of the 'steroids'. It's gradual but because of the huge frequency which was just too much to handle, the genes take any frequency that human ear picks up on and it causes the reaction with the chemical. The doctor also stated that for the genes to complete the reaction it would take up to five months for the frequencies to all add up. Her vaccines stop the reaction and also deflates the genes back to only recessive ones. Shinn takes half of the vaccine each episode. There is only a need for more if there are high frequencies around or the illness is brought on again. Shinn actually has to take half of the vial every week ever since we came to the Minerva. It has to do with all the machinery, but now something must have a very high frequency for him to wipe out our entire stock."

"So, that's why you freaked out when Shinn ran out." Captain Gladys spoke up, understanding the situation a lot more. She couldn't believe that Shinn had gone through that much. It must be unbearable for him, but how could she have not known? The doctors that take each soldier through a mental and physical examination should've noticed something. Why did they not?

Talia was about to ask Lunamaria for the answer to her question, but feeling the sorrow and sympothy in the air, she decided not to. It was too much for everyone. She would ask later. She probably didn't need anymore to ponder over, as well. Her head was full of these PINE mode technicalities.

"Why did he join the military? His body is in pain, so why?" Athrun asked

"Those two years that he was with the scientists, they pound it into his head that all he could do was fight. Shinn believes them--still to this day. He even told me that all he was good at was fighting. Also, the genes for the perfect soldier might be recessive, but they still show. His urge to fight was really...big. He was so desperate one time that he set up an entire shooting range with laser tag stuff. It took up our entire house."

For the first time during the explaination, Lunamaria finally smiled, reminiscing about his laser tag obsticle course.

During the whole story, Meyrin only looked on with disbelief, a feeling of hurt rising in her heart. She missed this. Her family didn't. They didn't tell her. Did they think that they couldn't tell her for fear she'd freak out? Or she'd tell? She needed to talk to her family.

Meyrin then glanced at Athrun and her heart sported another crack. He still cares for the princess, not her. Everyone saw how he rushed to her side without even thinking, and then that look between them. It was a look that she could never have with him. It was a look reserved for just the two of them. It seemed that everyone had someone. The pilot of the Freedom had _the_ Lacus Clyne. Her own sister had someone. She looked down at the pilot lying unconscious, noticing that he moved slightly. Her eyes widened and she leaned forward, making sure that her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. Another movement.

"Hey! Everyone!" she yelled, pointing down to Shinn. "I think he's waking up!"

All eyes focused on the boy and noticed also that movements were coming from the pilot. A groan escaped his throat and his eyes fluttered open revealing groggy eyes. When his eyes came into focus, he saw a crowd around him and fear crossed his over his scarlet orbs. The only thought that ran through his mind was:

Did they know?

* * *

Review, please!

And I hope this chapter didn't have too much stuff in it.


	4. Chapter 4

Hi, guys! I'm sorry that it took me longer than normal to update! I couldn't get to my computer. I hope this chapter you'll enjoy, though.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED Destiny.**

* * *

Shinn held his gaze with the gawking people, the fear in his eyes evident, before hurriedly limping to the abandoned corner in the room. Shinn escaped from the couch too quickly and met the consequences with a wave of drowsiness and a pounding headache throbbing beneath his skull. Luna called to him, telling him to sit back down. He didn't listen. He couldn't even comprehend what she was saying. He was frightened. His eyes resembled those of a deer caught in blinding headlights as his pupils darted from one person to the other. He pushed his back into the wall, wishing he could slip through it, away from everyone.

He didn't understand. He couldn't tell if they knew or not. They just stared. No one moved. Before his mind's eye, the people in the room charged at him, waving their hands in the air. They called him a monster, a murderer. A freak. Insults were thrown at him, fear and disgust glazed over their eyes. They were in a trance.

Destroy.

Destroy the creature.

Destroy the thing. He can hurt you. He can kill you. He can kill those important to you.

Kill him.

"Shinn!" Luna screeched. She ran to his side noticing the quiet hyperventilation escaping his mouth. He was frightened. Truly frightened. She needed to get everyone out of the room.

"Can you all step out of the room, please?" she asked politely, or at least as politely as she could with the panic lacing its way into her words.

Doing as she said, the group of soldiers vacated the room leaving Shinn with Luna who gently guided Shinn back to the couch. He was now coming out of his fearful state and forcefully brushed her helpful hand away.

"Shinn," she called to him carefully. "Don't worry--"

"Don't worry?! Luna, how can I not worry?! You and your big mouth spilled my biggest secret! What were you thinking?!" he snapped, standing up sharply, ignoring the pain in his head and the sudden urge to fall to the ground.

Lunamaria knew that this was going to happen. She knew...but she didn't think that it would hurt so much to feel Shinn's anger. It wasn't the first time Shinn had yelled at her, but it was the first time that the fault was hers. Other times he unleashed the strength of his vocal chords it was because he was troubled, angry with himself. He had never actually been angry with her before.

The sting of his words brought on her own anger. She helped him! She stuck her neck out for him! He could've died if it wasn't for her decision to call the Archangel! That's a wonderful way to thank her, Shinn! Great! That's just **great**!

"I was thinking of saving you, Shinn! Is that so wrong?! I_ had_ to tell them! Or did you forget that you fell unconcious?!"

"You didn't have to tell them the whole damn story! You could've lied! That would have been better!"

"You want to make me even more of a liar, now?! I already have to lie to the _entire_ ZAFT military, my own sister, my friends, and now you'll have me lie to the people who helped you live?"

"Rather than let all of the people who are with me on a daily basis give me looks of disgust!"

"This is ridiculous! They won't hate you! They know you!"

"What about the last person who 'knew' me?! Nothing stopped her from pointing a finger at me or telling me how much of a disgusting creature I am, or did you forget?! What's stopping the same thing to happen twice, huh?!"

Luna momentarily stopped, her face flushed, her breaths ragged from their heated arguement. Of course she couldn't forget! She remembered everything. She remembered the fear she felt. She remembered the blood. She remembered the tears. Nothing could ever cause her to forget such a traumatic experience--not even Shinn, who tried with all of his might to forget it himself.

"The same thing will not happen twice! Everyone outside that door knows who you are! They don't care about _what_ you are, Shinn! Circumstances are different and history will not repeat itself!"

"History always repeats itself!"

Luna cried out in annoyance. He was impossible! This argument was impossible! She couldn't stand this anymore! Sucking in as much courage as she could, she slapped Shinn across the face. Touching his fingers to the red mark on his face, he stared at the girl in front of him with shock written on his features. He searched her face, trying to find the answer as to why this sudden impulse of hers took place, but only found tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.

"Stop this!" she screamed, waving her hands in the air. "Stop being afraid of yourself!"

"...What?"

"You're so scared of those PINE genes inside of you! You think that you'll end up hurting people, so you push everyone away! You're a fool to think that you're a monster and even more of a fool to believe that your friends feel the same way!"

Silence met her outburst, so she continued, finally lowering her voice. "We want to help you face your fear, but we can't do that if you won't let us come close to that fear, Shinn."

"I don't even want to come close to it," he whispered to her, guilt rising up in him now. He knew that she was right, but after all of this he couldn't quite keep the bonds of friendship together. The fear inside of him never fails to cut away at the bond, slowly snipping at the strands, until it finally breaks, losing any chance at showering him with the feelings of happiness and love and trust. He wanted to tape the strands back together, but it's hard.

"All of us will be there. All of the people here are your friends or are willing to be your friend."

The latter of her statement caught his attention. Were there people she told who he doesn't know. He couldn't remember who was all in the room when he awoke from his nightmarish slumber. Their faces were all a blur to him now.

"Who did you tell, Luna?" he asked, now sucummbing to his body's weakness and plopping down on the couch. Luna followed him down, but sat down much more gracefully than Shinn.

"Rey and Athrun," she named off. She was going to name them off slowly to make sure he didn't explode again. "The captain, Arthur, and my sister."

"Anyone else?" he asked, eyebrow raised. He didn't like how she was reluctantly telling him who was now involved in his secret.

"My father was here."

"But he was on..." he let the rest drift off, taking in a deep breath. He didn't want to hear this. He went on the Archangel! The _Archangel!!_ He couldn't have come here by himself. Shinn was extremely close to yelling at Luna again.

"The Archangel's captain."

He tapped his foot on the ground

"Lacus Clyne."

His teeth ground together.

"The pilot of the Freedom."

He stood up once again, his eyes hard.

"And...Cagalli Yula Atha."

...

"...Shinn?"

...

She cleared her throat nervously

"I can't stand you, Luna."

* * *

Review, please!!


	5. Chapter 5

Here is chapter five!! I hope you enjoy it!

And to all of you who are reading this story, thank XXXG-01D for helping me get through my writer's block! A round of applause, everyone!!

And now, here is your chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED Destiny.**

* * *

Luna sighed as Shinn stormed to the door, but remembering that a group of people were waiting outside, decided he needed to stay with Luna. Ugh. He didn't want to stay here. Luna betrayed his trust and now Cagalli Yula Atha knew! She was _daughter_ of the man who told those damn doctors, "Okay, go ahead and torture this boy. It's fine". It would take him some time to forgive Luna for telling his secret to the politician. Luna could not say that she was ignorant of his animosity towards her. There is no excuse! He just wished that he could go somewhere...alone. He wanted everyone to just leave him be.

"I'm sorry," a voice called from behind him.

Lunamaria

"I know that this is hard for you, and I know that what I did might make it worse for you. For that, I'm sorry."

"It's...fine," he stated reluctantly then went to sit next to the pink-haired girl. "Don't get me wrong, though. I'm still angry with you, but I understand that you, in a way, had to tell. I admit that you could've toned it down a bit, but...I understand."

Luna smiled slightly at the confession even though some of his wording irked her a bit, but she knew that Shinn wouldn't admit that he was wrong to freak out like he did. It was good enough for her.

"And I also understand something else..."

"Hmm?" she turned to him, an eyebrow raised. "What?"

"Your slaps hurt just as much as before."

A smirk spread on his lips as he glanced back to Luna with his crimson eyes. Luna couldn't help but laugh at his statement and the tension that filled the room just moments before dissapated. And even though Luna knew it might take some more convincing on her part for Shinn to forgive her, she smiled. She smiled at Shinn, and joy swelled in her heart when she saw Shinn smile as well. She sometimes misses the cheeky smiles, but with all of the turmoil that has wrapped itself around Shinn's life, she rarely gets to see them. The light mood she liked. She could live with this.

**********

Cagalli ran a hand through her golden locks and forced down a sob that made it's way to her throat. She wasn't going to cry. She had cried enough.

But it was hard not to.

Her nation, her Orb, committed a heinous act against another human being for the benefit of war. War was the one factor of life that Orb strived to stay away from, or at least, she thought. But when she saw her army attack the Minerva, her heart broke in two. And when she saw her army fall, her heart was crushed. And when she saw Athrun and Kira fight while Shinn destroyed fleets, her heart was engulfed in pain. Everything her father built seemed to be mere child's blocks compared to the skyscrapers of war and money and greed. As she gazed upon the battlefield in her shining mobile suit, her father's words, her father's wishes, seemed so far away. She felt as though no one even heard what he had to say when she was told the tale of PINE mode.

How could people do such a thing?

No wonder Shinn hated her and anything that has to do with Orb! His life was torn apart because of her own nation, the nation she tries to lead into a bright future. The people she lead did that to him. They tortured him, forced him to kill, and lead him into a constant state of self loathing. She felt responsible. It was the people in her nation that ruined his life. The people were her responsibility. Her responsibility was to apologize. It was her fault.

Everything seemed to be her fault.

She choked down another sob at the thought. Cagalli hid her head in her hands and was thankful that she was alone in the guest room she vacated too. Everyone went their separate ways a few minutes after they were shooed out of the lounge when Shinn regained consciousness. She remembered the look of pure fear in his eyes as he realized that he was discovered. If it wasn't for her people he wouldn't have that look.

Her fault.

**********

Shinn smiled as he breathed the fresh air outside of the Minerva. The ship was currently skimming against the water. The few cool sprays of ocean mist felt good against his skin. He relished in the fact that no one would find him up here on the top of the Minerva. The only way there was through the launching dock for the gundams.

A few minutes after his and Luna's truce, he discovered that no one was outside the room. It seemed that everyone had left after they were pushed away from his paralized state of fear. He figured that they would stay, eavesdrop on the other side of the door, but he was wrong. He was extremely joyful that he was wrong, too. He didn't want any of the people, whether they be friends or not, to learn of his distressing feelings. It made him feel as if the outsiders were looking straight into his soul, judging him for his faults. He felt vulnerable.

Shinn smiled as another gust of wind sent a cloud of moisture to his face. It was peaceful here. Relishing in his privacy, he didn't even realize that another person had joined him in his solitude. That person strode over to Shinn and leaned against the side of the ship.

"I would have thought that you would be a little more cautious after all that has happened," the voice spoke, his tone holding a smirk. Shinn immediately recognized him after the initial shock and glared at the man.

"Rey," he addressed. He was slightly nervous with Rey's sudden appearance and his voce slightly wavered from his nonchalant attitude. "What are you doing up here?"

"I'm the one who showed you this spot, Shinn."

Shinn's cheeks flared red and he looked away from his friend. "Right"

"Did you come up here to get away from everyone?" Rey asked after a few moments of silence. He sat down next to Shinn and glanced to the crimson eyed warrior beside him.

"Yes," Shinn answered then got up from his seat and started to head away, "and everyone includes you, Rey."

Before Rey could say anything, Shinn slammed the door behind him, leaving the blonde standing abandoned on the top of the ship. Rey thought that Shinn would at least try to talk with him. Rey knew how he felt somewhat. He knew what it was like to be seen only as a geinea pig, not a real person. He wanted to show Shinn that he wasn't alone.

Maybe, he thought, as he ran a hand through his hair, he just wanted someone to relate to. For the longest time, he figured everyone around him knew nothing of what he had gone through, what he is seen as.

Shinn knows.

Shinn was his best friend. Shinn needed to know that he wasn't the only one to be seen as a freak. He needed a helping hand. Rey also needed a helping hand as well. That's what...brothers do. Yeah, brothers. Rey and Shinn were alike, not by blood, but by experience.

Rey would talk to Shinn the next time he saw him. That was for sure.

He would tell Shinn that he was a clone, that his life was nothing but an experiment. He would confide in Shinn and maybe get something out of Shinn as well. Next time...

**********

The Hawke family sat around the lounge, each one staring at the other with a look of apprehension on their faces. Meyrin wanted answers. She wanted to know why her entire family was involved with this and she wasn't.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked. "Is it really that hard to trust me?"

"No, no," her father disagreed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew this was coming, but that didn't mean that he had to like it.

"Then, why?"

"Mey," Luna called, catching her sister's attention. She moved next to Meyrin and the couch. "We can trust you. It's just that...Shinn couldn't."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," she started, shifting her eyes to the floor. "After all of what had happened, he didn't want to trust anyone. He didn't know you at the time, so it's not like we could convince him that you were trustworthy. He even said that unless he's been to hell and back with someone then that person can't have his trust."

"But..."

"Look, Mey, I trust you fully and completely. I wouldn't doubt for a second that you would have been behind Shinn the entire way through. You're my sister and I would be stupid if I didn't trust someone like you."

At that, Meyrin's face grew into a smile. She jumped to her sister, hugging her. Todoka laughed at his children's antics and came up to pat them on their shoulders, a grin spreading over his own face.

Everything was alright.

At least, for the Hawke family.

**********

Captain Gladis and Captain Murrue had discussed the events concerning Shinn and were very disturbed at one thought: What if someone redesigned the remote?

They didn't have any time to ponder this question when the radar beeped. Both captains lunged towards the scanner and gasped at the incoming threat.

Two gundams were headed straight for the ship.

* * *

Well, there was chapter five! I'm sorry if it wasn't worth the wait! I tried! The ending with the Hawkes seemed a bit forced, but I wanted to clear that up real quick before I took this story to the next part.

Review please! :)


	6. Chapter 6

Here is a treat for those of you who had to go back to school like me! This might cheer you up to know that I finally updated. Review please! And thank you for tolerating me and waiting for this update!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED Destiny**

* * *

So much for being alone, Shinn thought as he ran to his gundam. Just moments before the alarm sounded for all pilots to board their gundams. He noticed that the Archangel crew dashed off to their own ship before jumping into the hanger. He finally lunged and hopped into his gundam, strapping himself in and making his way to the launch pad. He vaguely noticed that Rey and Luna's mobile suits already left.

Before he knew it, Shinn was hurtling out into the open, his gundam rearranged to the humanoid form. Without even the moment to prepare, beeping alerted him of an attack from behind. Whirling around, he put up his shield, his gundam forced back a few feet at the force. Immediately looking up, his eyes widened at who shot at him.

Stella...

The black dog came hurtling towards him, snapping and chopping at Shinn's dodges. All he did was dodge. He didn't want to fight her! He wasn't going to be forced to fight her. He wasn't going to be forced to hurt her.

"Shinn, what are you doing?!" Rey snapped, blasting Stella's comrade, damaging the stolen suit's arm. "You're a sitting duck if you just float there!"

Shinn didn't respond. He wanted the fighting to stop. He watched as Rey attacked Stella now. Stella sidestepped and attacked him from the side, grazing Rey's side. Why were they fighting? Another attack. Why? Stella crushed Rey's gun. No...no. Athrun shot at Stella.

"STOP!!"

Racing forward to the fight, Shinn barely realized that he was in SEED mode. He didn't even comprehend that he wanted to avoid going into SEED mode for fear of what would happen. He just wanted to stop the fighting. He wanted to stop the temptation, the loss, the pain. He needed it to stop.

Shinn sped to Athrun, pushing him into the water from behind and with speed beyond the normal gundam pilot he gripped the arm of Rey's suit and threw him into the ship, ignoring his raging protests. Two were taken care of.

"Shinn, what are you doing?" the Captain screamed in his ear from the ship. "Attack them!"

What? She wanted him to fight her?

Anger welled up inside. He didn't want to fight her. He didn't want to hurt anyone. He didn't want to fight. Everyone knew what he was. Everyone knew what he could do. Everyone. He hated this. Hate. No. He hated...he didn't know. He just hated. He was angry. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to take away what was causing him this anger. Take it away.

His gundam shook from a laser shooting the spine of his mobile suit. Chaos. Sting. He was unhappy. He needed to take out what was making him unhappy. Why was Chaos making him unhappy? Why would he do that?

"Shinn," a sickly voice spoke in his ear, static distorting his normal vocals. "Shinn."

Who was calling him? Where from? Who?

It called again. "Shinn."

"Who are you?"

"Kill them, Shinn. Kill them."

The words echoed in his head. Kill them. Why would he do that? Kill them. He wants to stop the killing. Kill them, Shinn.

He listened as the voice soothed his inner turmoil.

"You were made to kill, Shinn. Do it. Kill them. They are making you unhappy. Kill them."

"I'm," Shinn slurred, "unhappy."

"Yes. Don't you want to be happy?"

Shinn nodded. He wanted to be happy. "Happy."

"Good. If you want to be happy, you have to kill them. Kill, Experiment S-02."

The man's voice swirled through his mind, bringing forth a desire. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to be happy. Happy was good. Happy was--

Shinn eyes shot open. What the--!? Experiment S-02. No. He was not Experiment S-02. He was Shinn, Shinn Asuka. He was not a killer. Why was he thinking that? Why was he...

"Shinn," the voice spoke. "Do you need assistance? I can help you kill them. I can help you be happy."

Happy? Yes, happy. He...wanted to be happy, but he...he...

What did he want?

"Experiment S-02, you want to be happy. You've always wanted to be happy. You'll only be happy when these people who fight stop. They won't stop until you kill them. I can help you. Do you want me to help?"

He would be happy when they stopped? He wanted them to stop, yes. That sounded nice. Stopping. Killing stops. It stops everything. He will be happy when they stop. Happy.

"Help," he breathed.

"If you insist."

Before Shinn could even think, pain ripped through his entire body. His body jerked from muscle spasms, his skull exploded, his mind thought of nothing but the pain. Stop. He wanted it to stop. How?

Darkness...

Shinn followed the darkness, letting him be enveloped by the cloudy ebony. He let his mind succumb to the claustrophobic space in the back of his mind. If he stayed back here then the pain will stop, he told himself, and he merely watched. From the back of his mind through a small window, he watched.

***********

Water was everywhere. Everywhere he looked there was water. He only wished that he could make his gundam swim to the top, but it was a lot harder than he originally thought. With all of the waves and having to lug heavy machinery, Athrun didn't think that he would ever make it to the top. He was annoyed from not being able to get to the surface and confused as to why Shinn would push him in the water. He thought the two of them were on the same side. Apparently not...

Athrun smiled when he finally reached the top and sprung up out of the water. He turned to the Minerva and saw that Luna was crawling out of a smoking mobile suit. Did the Phantom Pain girl do this? Turning the gundam around, his eyes widened at the sight he saw. Shinn was battling Kira. He zoomed over to the fight and came to the aid of his friend. What was Shinn doing?

Seeing someone new to face, Shinn turned his attention to Athrun and swiftly changed his momentum and charged him. Athrun blocked an attack from Shinn's saber and was stunned at his movements. He was fast. Athrun could barely dodge his attacks. Unfortunately, Athrun was slowly moving towards Cagalli, her shining mobile suit glistening in the sun. Realizing this, Athrun swung his gundam around the other direction and he took a hit to the arm of his mobile suit. Damn. This was getting ridiculous. He didn't want to dodge all day--he couldn't--but he didn't want to hurt Shinn, either. Athrun then thought that maybe if he just disabled Shinn then he couldn't attack.

Athrun moved his own saber in front of him and parried a blow from Shinn and stabbed Shinn, nicking the leg. Shinn was anticipating this and kicked the saber out of Athrun's hands with the injured leg, catching it. He then used the two sabers and sliced off the leg that was retreating from Shinn's arm length. Athrun was too slow and the metal went flying into the ocean. Athrun stared at the leg hurtling down to the sea with shock and didn't see the kick directed to Athrun's midsection. The blow sent Kira flying into the Minerva. Sparks and flames shot out from the gundam and Athrun sprang out of the cockpit to avoid being killed by the explosion that went off a mere two seconds after his escape. Shinn must have thought that he had killed Athrun and searched for a new target.

Athrun just sat dumbfounded on the Minerva, observing as Shinn bolted towards Stella. She was battling with Kira and didn't notice Shinn quick movements and felt the cockpit slit open from the side. Athrun could see her shocked expression as she stared at the mobile suit. Athrun wished he could do something as Shinn brought down his weapon to slice through the dog gundam.

He stopped.

Athrun raised an eyebrow and his hands were perspiring at the scene. He stopped. Was he going to kill her?

"Aya...me..." Athrun heard Shinn's voice moan through the only functional part of his gundam. Ayame?

And then Shinn fell, his gundam shutting off.

All we could do was stare as everything in the gundam sunk down in the depths, lifeless inside.

He sunk.

* * *

Thank you for reading and tell me what you think! And sorry if the fighting scene wasn't that good, but that was the first one I've ever written so I do have an excuse. haha. Review please!


	7. Author's Note

Okay, so I know that all of you aren't very happy with me for not updating, but I do have an excuse...

...I lost the entire story.

Don't ask me how, but it is not anywhere to be found. I didn't type it so it might have gotten thrown away when I was cleaning. That's what I'm thinking. So, I'm very sorry to say this, but, this story will be on a hiatus for the time being. I'm going to try and write out all of the chapters again. I'm very sorry!!!

I'll write a oneshot to pass the time if you want, but I'll try to finish the story...again. You never know, though, I could end up changing a part of the story since I'm writing it over again. Bear with me and I'll be sure to contact each of the reviewers that have been reading this story when I get it done. I'm very, very sorry.

~Woven Secret

P.S. I really do feel bad. This fanfiction thing isn't as easy as I thought it would be.


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